


Regret

by Th3_Morrigan



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt, Longing, Regret, uuugh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 02:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10687680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Th3_Morrigan/pseuds/Th3_Morrigan
Summary: Fenris shouldn't have turned her down.





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little DA drabble, because I couldn't help myself. This is my first foray into the DA fandom/fic and I think it's important I should say I'm still making my way through DA2 (as I write this) and I went into the game not knowing a thing about the DA verse. So if you feel a strong need to react to some canon thing I misinterpreted, please forgive me. 
> 
> Also, I wrote this because i'm on Handers but I want to romance the elf too, so.... :D
> 
> enjoy!

Anders leaned in close and whispered something in Hawke's ear. She smiled and laughed, the sound like the tinkling of fine crystal. It made Anders laugh as well. They looked at each other and the air between them turned from light to electric. Anders cupped her cheek as he moved in for a kiss. Hawke closed her eyes and leaned toward him- 

And Fenris looked away in disgust. He was at a table with the other companions. They were celebrating yet another successful mission. Hawke and Anders had crept away earlier to their own table in a more secluded area of the Hanged Man and he couldn’t keep himself from stealing jealous glances at them. Every time Anders touched her it disgusted him. He was a mage with a demon inside him. The man was an abomination, and there he was touching her with his filthy hands…

His view was suddenly blocked by the broad and hairy chest of the dwarf.

"You know, Broody," Varric said as he sat down handing Fenris his pint, "you could have been that man had you not turned her down."

Fenris tried to keep his face passive. "Whatever do you mean, dwarf?"

Varric chuckled. "Hawke tells me everything. We're like... grilfriends, only I'm obviously not a girl. She told me you turned her down."

Fenris gave him one of his venomous looks. Varric just chuckled again. "So it is true. Why did you turn her down? …Oh right, that one little thing about her being an apostate, right?" He chuckled again and shook his head.

Fenris decided to ignore Varric and busied himself with his drink. He hated to admit it but the dwarf was right. Hawke had indeed made her feelings known. She had paid him a visit at the mansion one day, and in the course of their conversation had confessed her feelings for him. He was rather surprised, and touched by her gesture, but being who he was, he was also suspicious. He had let his head do the thinking instead of his heart. She was, after all, an apostate who was showing a curious interest in blood magic. What would someone like her want with a cursed slave like him. Oh, the things that ran through his mind then. He couldn't help but feel then that she only wanted him because of his abilities.

Thinking back on it, he shouldn't have been too hasty to judge her. She was Hawke, after all. She was the leader of their renegade party. She had a good heart, despite being a mage, and she went out of her way to treat all of them equally and with respect. He knew she wouldn't play him like that. Despite what his suspicious mind thought, he knew in his heart she was not capable of hurting him.

And yet, Maker help him, he turned her down!

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Merrill openly staring at him.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" he growled, fixing her with a glare that could melt anyone- anyone but Merrill, that is. She didn't squirm under his gaze but returned it as innocently as his was fierce. 

"You like her, don't you?"

"What?" Maker help him. Why was everyone on his case tonight? Why was everyone on his case today?

"Everytime she looks away, you stare at Hawke with those sad puppy eyes." There was no mockery there, just the truth. Fenris couldn't decide if that irritated him more than if she were mocking him.

"There are no puppy eyes," Fenris snarled.

"Leave him be, Merrill. The man is hurting." Varric interjected. 

"Hurting?" Merrill's eyes widened. "How? Where? Should I call Anders over?"

"No, Daisy, no," Varric said holding her arm to keep her in her seat. "You misunderstand me. He's hurting in here." Varric placed his beefy hand over his heart, and Merrill finally understood. 

"Oh! Oh dear! Oh my!" She looked from Fenris to Hawke and Anders then back again. She had only meant to irritate Fenris. It was something she did from time to time to get back at him for being so mean to her She had no idea. "I didn't realize…Oh, Fenris!"She suddenly looked like she was about to cry. She made to take his hand but he was quick to yank it away. Friend or no, Fenris still couldn't stand to be touched. He could not bear the burning of his marks.

"You should have told her how you felt." 

It was rather touching the way they were siding with him on this. So this was what it was like to have friends.

As well meaning as they were, though, Fenris couldn't take how they wouldn't stop bringing up how much in pain he was over Hawke. He decided it was time for him to head home.

He drowned his pint and pushed his chair from the table. 

"Thank you for your sympathies, friends, but I think I'll turn in early."

"Would you like us to walk you home?" Merrill asked 

That amused Fenris and he gave her one of his half smiles. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm good."

On his way out he took a fleeting look back at Hawke and Anders' table and was not surprised to find it empty. 

*** 

She walked the streets to Hightown alone. Anders had to rush off on some medical emergency so they parted ways right outside Darktown. He was concerned about her safety on the streets but she gave him such a look that left him laughing.

"Right. I keep forgetting you're Hawke. You cause more trouble than all of Darktown put together."

She gave him one last kiss before he made his away down the stairs to the underground. 

Anders was a good man with good intentions, if not a little bit on the forceful side when it came to mage rights. She wasn't so sure how she felt about Justice, but he hadn't poked his head out once since the incident at the Gallows, which was just as well. Mother had loved Anders. Hawke thinks she was charmed by the fact that Anders was a healer. They had gotten along pretty well.

"I'm so glad you chose Anders," her mother said the day he came to formally start courting. "I had thought for a moment you were into that elf."

Hawke had frowned at her mother then. "Fenris? What have you got against him?" Despite the fact that he broke her heart she was still very defensive of him.

"Oh nothing...but, well, he was a slave wasn't he? It's bad enough our family was tainted by your uncle's misfortune. What would the neighbors have thought if you had been cavorting with that elf slave."

"His name is Fenris, mother, and he's a free man now." Hawke was so tempted to give her a piece of her mind, but she decided it was to no end. She let it go at that and moved on as best as she could.

She was lost in thought as she rounded a blind corner, and had collided into another person. She was suddenly shoved against the wall, and before she could react she heard the slick of a dagger leaving its sheath and felt the cool blade at her throat seconds later. 

She would have shot her attacker with a fireball had she not noticed the eerie blue glow of the man's tattoos.

"Fenris, it's me!"

The blue glow died down and Fenris released her.

"Sorry. I- you took me by surprise."

"My fault. I should have watched where I was going. Why aren't you at the Hanged Man with the others?"

"On my way home," he said curtly as he sheathed his dagger and started to turn toward the stairs to Hightown. He stopped and looked back at her when he realized something was missing. "Where's Anders? Why are you out here alone?"

"His services were urgently needed. We parted ways at Darktown. I was on my way home."

"Alone?"

"What is it with you men and my safety on the streets at night?" Hawke grumbled. "I'm not a helpless little girl."

A half-smile rose on Fenris' lips. "I was more concerned for the safety of the other people than for yours." 

Hawke narrowed her eyes. "Did you just make a joke?"

Fenris flashed her one of his half smiles and she laughed. His smile was something of a rare occurrence, and his jokes much more so. To be graced with both now was a treat for Hawke. It made her laugh.

His smile widened at her laughter, and Hawke felt her heart clench just a little. 

"Let's...get going then," she said trying to dispel that feeling of longing she felt starting to bubble inside her. Why did this damn elf have to be so charming.

They walked up the road to Hightown in silence, Hawke a little ahead of the elf. She could feel his eyes on her from time to time but she tried her best to ignore it.

When they finally got to her door, she turned to him. He was standing just inside the alcove.

"Thank you for walking with me." 

He just smiled and she turned to the door when she felt Fenris grab her hand. She gasped.

She was well aware he hated being touched, but the sensation of his hand on hers was more surprising. There was a warmth radiating from where the lirium was etched in his palms. She could swear the marks started glowing faintly. 

Fenris, too, seemed unprepared by it, and dropped her hand a heartbeat later. "I- I'm sorry. I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?" Hawke couldn't seem to think straight. She had the urge to feel his hand on hers again."

"I am aware I hurt you when I turned you down. I hope Anders is taking good care of you."

That snapped her out of it. "Anders? Oh, he- yes, he's been good."

"Good." He stood a moment longer on the verge of the threshold, looking like he wanted to say something. Hawke held her breath, heart pounding in her chest. But Fenris finally just gave her a curt bow. "Goodnight, Hawke," he said, and left in a hurry. 

Hawke looked after him as he hurried across the courtyard and around the corner to his mansion, shoulders hunched as if in defeat. She didn't know if Fenris realized it but she had felt what he wanted to say. That brief moment when he held her hand she felt it: all the things left unsaid, all the regret and the longing. It made get heart ache.

She knew in her heart if she followed Fenris now he would take her in with open arms. 

But of course she couldn't do that. She couldn't do that to Anders. 

With a defeated sigh Hawke turned and entered her home. She wished love was a easy as the battlefield, where you couldn't mistake which side you should be on.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Leave a comment or go bug me at [Tumblr](http://th3morrigan.tumblr.com/)


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